


I don’t want to live forever

by Cait1in



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms
Genre: 1950s, F/M, Faith/Julia is Alive because this is fluff okay, Fluff, Frasers living happily in the 1950s, Money, Rich - Freeform, i just want to see the Frasers be happy, is that too much to ask, literally just fluff, what is angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:09:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26871181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cait1in/pseuds/Cait1in
Summary: Jamie touches the stone right after Claire falls through, he couldn’t help it. He didn’t travel through time, but what he didn’t realize for quite a while, was that he wasn’t aging. Somehow touching the stone made him immortal. (Think age of adaline/jack harkness from Doctor who)He lived and waited for Claire for two hundred years.Now it’s April 16, 1948 and he’s waiting for Claire and their daughter Julia  at the stones in jeans and a t shirt leaning against his car, ready to live a safe, happy life with his family.
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp & Faith Fraser, Claire Beauchamp & Jamie Fraser, Claire Beauchamp/Brianna Randall Fraser MacKenzie, Claire Beauchamp/Frank Randall, Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser, Faith Fraser/Jamie Fraser, Jamie Fraser/Brianna Randall Fraser MacKenzie
Comments: 39
Kudos: 110





	1. 200 years later

“I will find you, I promise. If I must endure two hundred years of purgatory, two hundred years without you- then that is my punishment, which I have earned for my crimes. For I have lied, and killed, and stolen; betrayed and broken trust. But there is the one thing that shall lie in the balance. When I shall stand before God, I shall have one thing to say, to weigh against the rest… Lord, ye gave me a rare woman, and God! I Loved her well!”

***

It's been two hundred years of roaming the earth,experiencing incredible advancements and terrible wars, and waiting. Waiting for Claire.  
Jamie thought that he'd die and be able to eventually see Claire again, not have to live forever, for those two hundred years waiting for her. 

Jamie stands, leaning against his car near the base of Craig Na Dun. the sun has barely started to rise, peaking through the trees. He couldn't sleep and got there early. Hopefully. 

In his mind on a loop is a prayer “God may she be safe. She and the child.” two hundred years of praying for her safe travel, for her to end up at the stones, here. The words have never lost their meaning, they have been a driving force for Jamie to continue, to keep going. She will be here, she has to be and now they can be safe. 

With his eyes closed, Jamie brings the last image he has of Claire to his mind. It was only a few years earlier. He couldn't resist. He knew where she would be in 1945. He didn't want to see her with frank, but even just a glimpse of her was worth the pain, the suffering, the longing.  
He never forgot a thing about her. Some things blurred, her voice faded a little, but her face was always clear in his mind, like he was looking at his reflection and saw her. Whenever he was in need, about to give up, hopeless, or tired, a vision would appear, giving him strength.  
To see his Claire, from afar lit by candle light during that storm, looking like a fairy, cursing her hair, devastated him while making him feel alive for the first time in so long. She was so close, but she wasn't his, so much yet to happen for her, for them.  
And then to hear that voice. His voice. So much like his ancestor’s. The ghost of a touch on his shoulder ruined his moment, the last moment he had before now. 

A blood curdling scream broke him from his daydream. The sun was higher now, blinding him momentarily as he ran towards the sound. A sound that haunts him, giving him chills, sounding like it is coming from the depths of his worst nightmares. 

Claire. 

***

Claire wished she was dead. She wished she felt nothing, was in oblivion, or that the light torching her closed eyelids was the white light and not the sun burning. How could she live her old life now, raise her daughter with Frank, without Jamie? 

Claire heard a whimper from the weight of their daughter on her chest, forcing Claire to come back to reality, and open her eyes.  
She sits up, holding onto Julia and checking her over to make sure she is alright, and doing the same for herself. She shushed Julia and held her tight to her chest. 

As Claire sat rocking Julia back and forth, holding her head of red hair, the effects of what she had just done sunk in. she would never see Jamie again. He's dead, on culloden moor. He's been long gone. All she has left of the love of her life is her daughter in her arms and their unborn child. 

Stupid, selfless, honorable Jamie, she thought. Why did i think i was so important, so smart, so sure that we could change history?

Claire sat there watching the sun start to rise through the spaces of the rocks surrounding her, refusing to move, refusing to move on.  
She didn't notice Julia looking around, getting bored and curious until she spoke up, shattering the last remaining pieces of Claire’s heart. 

“Where’s Da?”

That woke Clare from her trance, and caught her off guard. Tears were already silently streaming down her face and she looked her daughter in the eye, her amber eyes looking back at her, at a loss for words.  
Claire pulled Julia back close to her chest and let out a sob, and another, and another until she screamed. 

She didn't hear Julia start crying, or her own repeated prayers of “no, no, no ''.  
She didn't hear anything.  
She certainly didn't hear the footsteps of someone approaching them on the hill.  
When the voice of someone, someone that was supposed to be a ghost broke through her veil of grief, calling her name, she thought it was her imagination. 

“Claire!!” came the breathless, desperate call once more. She tried not to look up. She wasn't ready for the disappointment of him not being there. But she couldn't help it. Julia was reaching out, causing Claire to lose her balance kneeling on the ground. She had to lean back, and inadvertently, see him. 

Jamie. 

***

Jamie couldn't believe his eyes, seeing Claire and his child sitting there. couldn't imagine what Claire was going through seeing him standing there.  
He had been waiting for this moment, imagining it, planning it for the better part of two hundred years, and yet he was at a loss for what to do or say.  
He used to be able to read Claire's face like a book, and he doubts that she lost her glass face, but her expression now is incomprehensible. 

Jamie continued to walk towards them, slowly. 

“Claire,” his voice broke, his throat tight from trying to hold back tears, “it's really me, I promise, Im really here, you're really here.”

Claire struggled to get up with her skirts and Julia in her arms just as Jamie was falling to his knees in front of them, resulting in them crashing together, a mess of tears and limbs. 

As Jamie whispered his thanks and prayers and pet names, he could barely catch what Claire was also whispering, “Heaven… God, I must be dead…you’re here...” 

Jamie pulled back. He thought Claire sounded too content to be dead, to be gone, even if it was to be with him. 

Julia took this opportunity to launch herself at her father. Jamie enthusiastically welcomed her in his arms, he could barely believe this was real, that this wasn't heaven, just like Claire. 

“Sorcha,” Jamie held Julia tight to him with one arm, and held Claire's face close to his with his other hand, “look at me.”

Claire kept her eyes closed, her grip on his arms tight. “It feels so real, please be real…” she continued to whisper. She couldn't survive like this, she knew that. If this isn't real, if Jamie isn't there, if she found herself alone by the stones in 1948, she wouldn't survive. He feels too real, but he can't be, he's dead. She keeps telling herself that he's dead, so she must also be dead. She starts to hope, to believe it's that easy, that they are together. But his voice is persistent for her to open her eyes, and she knows that the hopeful dream of eternal slumber will end. She doesnt want it to end, she doesn't want him to disappear forever. 

Jamie continued to plead, “Look at me, Sassenach!” 

He wanted so much at that moment. He wanted to kiss Claire with everything he had, he wanted to hold onto his lasses and never let them go, he wanted to leave the stones behind forever and go home, be safe, and just live, he wanted Claire to open her eyes, he needed her to see him. 

Claire couldn't resist anymore. slowly focused her ambe gaze on jamie. He felt real, looked real, and looked… different. She focused on the differences. His shortened hair, the lack of scruff, the modern feel of his white t-shirt, the jeans instead of a kilt...

“Jamie?” she questioned with her hoarse voice. 

He sniffed, trying to hold back his tears as he brushed Claire's wild curls out of her face with his one free hand, while still holding his daughter tight to his chest, her face in his neck to avoid the chill of the wind. 

“Aye. sassenach, it's me, im here, im really here with you, now in 1948. I promise you, I'm real, and we are safe.”

Claire shook her head slowly, she couldn't wrap her head around what was going on. She focused on his last words and repeated them. 

“We’re safe... we are safe.”

Another sob escaped her, this time happy tears, instead of tears of devastation. She fit herself to jamies body, holding him and their daughter tight.  
Jamije wrapped his arms around Claire and Julia, both of them tucked into his chest. He repeatedly kissed their heads as him and Claire cried. 

Claire still wasn't entirely sure that this wasn't a dream, or heaven when they finally broke apart. She has no idea how long they sat there in each other's arms. Knowing that this time, it wouldn't be the last, the ejd. 

Julia was getting restless, so reluctantly, Jamie and Claire broke apart and stood up. Jamie still wouldn't let go of his girls, keeping Julia in his arms and helping Claire up. 

Jamie started to lead them down the hill. 

“Let's go home, to Lallybroch.”


	2. Lallybroch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie and Claire head home to Lallybroch.
> 
> I wrote this quick on my phone at 2 am, not sure how much I’m going to like it in the future so I might edit and add to it but I still wanted to post it. I know not a lot happens in this chapter but there is more coming :)

Claire stopped short at the bottom of the hill. 

“What's wrong?” Jame turned to look at her, his hand still gripping hers tightly, and Julia still attached to him, her little arms wrapped around his neck. 

She shook her head, “you can drive a car, you have a car… it's just hard to wrap my head around.”  
A fancy, expensive car that any man she used to know would drool over, with its shiny paint job and everything else. Jamie didn’t just have a car, he had one of the best cars, with speed and safety and all the bells and whistles. 

She climbed in, each motion familiar and new at the same time. She expected the roar of the engine, but it startled her just the same. How many times had she explained cars to Jamie in the past, the machinery, the history with Ford and the model T, the feeling of freedom when driving, the images of scenery whipping past in a blur? And yet here she was sitting right next to him, feeling like he’s the one introducing her to the modern world, like all of this was new to her, not her entire life experience. 

Everything felt like some kind of weird dream that she was going to wake up from any second. Claire was exhausted but fought sleep the entire drive. She instead focused on Jamie, how he placed his hands on the wheel, at ease, how he shifted gears effortlessly, and how he would glance at her every few seconds and smile. 

Julia was fast asleep in Claire’s Arms as they approached Lallybroch. Absentmindedly Claire was humming along to a song on the radio, some random tune she barely even remembered, it felt like another lifetime ago, listening to this song, singing along in those quiet moments during the war… 

Jamie pulled the car up to the gate, watching Claire’s reaction very carefully. 

The arches of Lallybroch, over two hundred years old now had iron gates attached. The dirt road Claire spent days staring at, waiting for Jamie to come home from the Watch was gone, replaced with a paved driveway, which led all the way to a garage, in the same spot as the old barn. 

Claire was speechless. She was home, but she felt like she was at somebody else’s house, in somebody else’s life. But this is real, this is her life, with Jamie. Once again, everything was so similar, but just different enough. 

With every step she expected to hear the crunch of gravel and dirt that never came, with every glance around she expected a Murray to come running past, the realization paining her. She was waiting for the barking, the dogs rushing out the door as soon as it opened to reveal Jenny. 

Claire paused at the front door to touch the dents in the stone. 

“What happened?” She asked Jamie as she turned around to look at him. 

“Every time the Red coats came… they nicked the doorway with their swords. I could’ve fixed it, I know, but it’s history, it’s a reminder of everything that happened.”

Claire had a million more questions, but she knew they could wait. She looked Jamie in the eye, reached out to touch his face, hoping to lighten the weight he seemed to carry on his shoulders, the sadness in his eyes, “I’m sorry.”

With one more glance at Jamie and their daughter, Claire opened the door and stepped inside. She felt like she was transported to a different time, not quite the 1740s but not really the 1940s either. The wallpaper was the same colors as she remembered, but definitely new. The couches as well, were positioned and styled in a way that resembled the old Lallybroch but were just a little off. 

“I tried to keep it close to how it was, so it’s like home, akways, Jamie explained as he started making his way to the kitchen, stopping to take Claire’s hand and lead her the same way. “Hungry?” 

“Starving.”

Jamie looked at Claire, observing her, noticing how she was all skin and bones because of the war.

He nodded. “Aye.” 

***  
Jamie led Claire and Julia upstairs afterwards, noticing how exhausted they were. Julia was asleep in his arms.   
He couldn’t believe he was holding his daughter again, after so long. He missed her so much. He missed her smell, and her laugh, her tantrums and how she’d track mud everywhere, cashing Mayhem with her cousins. For her, not a day had gone by that her father wasn’t there to put her to bed, To scare away the monsters under her bed, tell her stories of faeries and sea creatures in lochs. He felt the pain of not having his lassies in his arms, safe, for 200 years. He is carrying Julia now, and Claire at his side, and he is never letting them go. 

Before leading them to the Lards bedroom, he stopped at another one, and opened the door to show Claire a half finished nursery. 

“ I couldn’t wait for you to come, Sassenach. I was counting done the days, and we’ll, the years. So in the last few years I decided to start to make Julia’s room. So many things have changed over the years. All the workers in stores were helping me pick out pink paint and wallpaper, teddy bears and dolls. But we never had those things before, I didn’t know what she would like, so it’s not done, but it’s a start.” 

Claire walked in, noticing the toys, the different paint swatches on the wall, the crib and the twin sized bed, the rocking chair, and shelf of books…   
she turned to Jamie with tears in her eyes. She never had this, never remembered having this, and never thought that she would be so lucky again. 

She kissed Jamie, “it’s perfect.”

Jamie kisses her forehead, and then Julia’s, “now lets go to bed.”

Claire smiles, “to bed, or to sleep?” She tried to wink, but was rudely interrupted by a yawn. 

“Definitely To sleep, at least for now Sassenach,” he chuckled. 

***

Claire, Jamie and Julia were cuddled close together in the giant bed. 

Claire and Jamie faced each other, gazing intently and touching every now and then, making sure it was all real. Each remembering their last night together, in a similar position, with Jamie holding his family for what they believed would be the last time. 

Slowly, Claire fell asleep and Jamie spent hours watching and praying. Thanking god his family made it to the future, to him safely, for allowing him to live this long and be with them. The agonizing pace of the last 200 years was worth it. 

Still, he was terrified to close his eyes, and wake up to them being gone. How many times had he had this dream? But then Julia moved in her sleep, kicking Jamie in the stomach. Claire sighed in her sleep, and mumbled Jamie’s name. This is real.   
Jamie finally settled in, still too awake since he was finally happy, finally complete, and it was the middle of the afternoon.   
But eventually, the lack of sleep from the night before caught up with him, and for the first time in 200 years, Jamie smiled in his sleep.


	3. twenty seconds or two hundred years?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jamie fills in some of the blanks of the last two hundred years. 
> 
> no action this chapter, just what claire had missed in jamies life. 
> 
> i havent posted in a while, and i know this chapter is short and not a lot happens i thought it was better than nothing. i totally planned on posting more but i was burnt out from my first semester of college in the middle of a pandemic, sorry. so instead of writing i slept a lot and dyed my hair pink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the beginning of this month is the one year mark of me becoming obsessed with outlander. it was new years, and my best friend was watching the wedding episode and freaking out. so i decided to give it a try. i stayed up all night and watched the whole first season in like two days. i read the first book in two days as well, i couldnt put it down. at the time i started the show, i was recovering from a surgery and dealing with accepting my body and scars. it was an elective breast reduction, and while at 17 i new it was the right decision it was still scary ( i never regretted it i am so happy i did it). i was starting to go back to normal but i wasnt used to my smaller boobs or the scars or how weird my nipples were lol. seeing claires body (which is amazing i am not that skinny lol), but seeing her boobs (still smaller then mine) kinda look like mine and her nipples as well helped a lot. also jamies scars. obviously they are completely different, but still. I wasnt too worried about my scars but it was nice reassurance. now over a year later and everything is great. but back to the point the show helped my self esteem while recovering from my breast reduction and gave me something to watch over winter break. it got me back into not only reading fanfiction, but writing it as well. thank you so much to every one in this fandom, every writer and reader. i cant share my appreciation for this show enough. and thank you to my best friend who was pissed that i finished the whole show before she finished season 1.

At some point in the night, Claire woke up to find herself not at the hill of the standing stones, but warm in bed with her family. 

It was real. 

Carefully, Claire reached out to stroke Jamie’s face. She saw his lips curve into a smile, like always. She stared at him, studying the changes and what remained the same. She wondered what happened, what he had been through that had led him here. How did he look the same yet so different, how did he have the money for lallybroch and the car, how long had he been here in the future, what happened to everybody else, what are they going to do now?

Always the light sleeper Jamie woke up to the touch of his wife on his face. He couldn’t believe that she was really here. He turned to look at his wife, careful to not wake up their daughter. 

Claire stared up at him, “How?”

Jamie sighed. “Long story sassenach. You should get your rest.”

She shook her head and sat up. “I'm not tired, Jamie. How are you here? How are you comfortable here, and lallybroch? You sent me through those damned stones and i expected to mourn your death and attempt at going back to my old life but… but there you were with short hair and jeans and a fucking car. How long have you-”

“Two hundred and three years,” Jamie whispered while stroking Julias hair away from her face. 

“What?” Claire whispered back, in disbelief. 

“I cant travel through the stones, we know. But when you did, I reached out for you, snd finally heard the buzzing, the screaming and touched the rock. Next thing I know I woke up on the ground thinking I fainted and raced back to Colludon just in time. I shouldve died that day Claire. Not just statistically or honor or because I wanted to or anything. I was injured, badly. Obvioudly we didnt realize until later, much later that I couldnt die.” Jamie shifted in the bed to get comfortable and tell his life story the way any scot would. 

Jamie told Claire about his life. How he survived colludon and lived in a cave, and turned himself in. how he couldnt figure out how he survived prison and never got sick. Going back home, seeing the grey in Jennys hair, realizing he wasnt aging. Running off to Edinburgh becoming a printer and smuggling alcohol. He watched everyone he loved grow old and die while he stayed the same. He was there to see jennys great grandchildren, Fergus’s as well. He used what Claire had told him about history to avoid issues like war in the colonies and france. Bought stock for Ford and cameras. He wandered the earth waiting for Claire hoping she would arrive and he wouldnt die, but dreading the day because he seemed to be immortal. Ignoring the date as it neared october 20th 1918, and then again 1939 and 1945 so he wouldnt go insane waiting as the time drew nearer. 

“God Claire but I couldnt help it. Knowing exactly where you would be, on your way to meeting me. I had to be there, in Inverness to see you through safely. I saw you in an inn, brushing your hair muttering and cursing, before I saw Frank…” 

Fuck, Claire thought theyd have to deal with Frank at some point. 

Claire had stayed silent through his story, listening and watching as the sun began to rise. But she interrupted then, “you were the highlander ghost?”

“Aye,” Jamie said with a sad smile, “that is a good way to put it. I was a ghost before I saw you again. With unfinished business, waiting to feel alive again.”

Jamie continued, “i followed you to the stones and watched you walk around and in your little dress and watched you disappear. And it hit me again, the feeling of losing ye. And again, once you had gone, only then did I hear the buzzing and the wind picked up and I felt the urge, the need to touch where your hand had,” He paused when Claire grabbed his hand with both of her own. “And the same thing, where I fainted but didnt travel… I prayed that I would age again and be able to die, but didnt want to test it out since I was so close to touching you and calling you mine again.”

“So youre… back to normal?” 

“Aye. I broke my arm last year. It hurt, and didnt heal any quicker than it was supposed to, like all my previous injuries. And I think I see it in my face as well, but that could be me seeing things after two hundred years.”

Jamie had reached out his right arm to show Claire that he had broken it, when she noticed his hand. 

“Wait!” she grabbed his supposed crippled hand. “Your hand. The scars are barely visible and your fingers.... Barely stiff.”

“That's another mystery, all my scars seemed to slowly heal as well. Any time I got injured it would heal quickly, faster than it should have. And over the years my scars and injuries have faded. I doubt you could feel the scar on the back of my head, I dont get headaches anymore. My hand is almost as good as new. And my back… it doesnt hurt or bother me, most of the scars are completely flat lines now.”

Claire reached out to touch a scar on Jamie’s thigh that had not been there just a few days prior. “And this??”

“Well that was where I was hurt at culloden, and then again, same time I broke my arm. Accident setting up lallybroch.”

Speaking of lallybroch, Claire thought. “So this is ours, you own Lallybroch?”

“Sassenach, in the past I havent been able to provide for you. I had no money or land I could safely claim, I was a wanted man. Now we are safe and settled and set, I promise. You will never want for anything or go hungry again.” he said eyeing how skinny she looked due to the war. “You of course can still heal, you dont have to stop working. I know how much you love it. I made sure there was a garden for you here. We will be safe and happy, Sassenach. I swear.”

Claire stared at the man she loved. She never had to live a day without him like she thought. Turns out he had the hard part of waiting for her, for two hundred years. She couldnt imagine all that he had seen and gone though. She had no idea how she got so lucky. After every horror that they had been through, they deserved to be happy, together and with indoor plumbing. 

“I love you Jamie.” she whispered before snuggling with Julia and Jamie to try to get some extra sleep before the toddler woke up. Turns out she was exhausted after all. 

Jamie kissed both his lassies foreheads, “and I you.”

**Author's Note:**

> i don't love the idea of claire and jamie naming their first daughter faith, but i wanted her to be in this fic since its pure fluff. I also don't love the idea of naming her Julia, but I don't hate it. I dislike the name Ellen as well, but I see them naming her Ellen. Do im gonna name her julia bc i've seen others do it, for now but might change it later. Let me know if you like the name faith/julia/ellen bc im not against using any name, i just thought i'd try something different. If it doesn't work i'll change it. And if i name her ellen i would use nicknames like ellie/elle.  
> also i'm assuming that she would be like one and a half/two???????? At this point in time. Let me know if you have a better idea of what her age would be at the time of claire going through the stones thank youuuuuuu  
> **  
> And did I write this at midnight instead of doing my reading due tomorrow for my 9 am English class on Frankenstein ? Yes. Yes I did. And it’s fine. I’m fiiiiiine.


End file.
